It doesn't seem fair. I've just figured out how to make him happy and be happy myself with this new role, and now it's going to end. Monday I go back to work. Granted, it's only two days in the office--the other two are from home--but it will be so different. My attention will be divided. I'll have to ignore him for a good part of those days I'm home, and manage to keep my attention focused on work on those days in the office. If I think about it too much I want to cry. Part of me wants to stay home and become a baby-making machine. I probably wouldn't feel this way if he weren't such an "easy" baby. He is so good-natured, he makes parenting a joy. The most upset I've ever seen him is when we do bottle practice, and really, who can blame him? I wouldn't want to settle for silicone either. It almost broke my heart today when he cried while being fed with a bottle. I thought, now we really have no choice. Come Monday this will have to happen, he might cry, and I will be thirty minutes away. Well, I don't want to dwell on it too much. I want to stay light and positive about it. I'm working for our family health insurance, so Mazin can have good care. I'm working to help pay the mortgage, so we can stay in this cozy, wonderful house in our wonderful community. I'm working to maintain a sense of myself as a professional, and to keep my options open for the future. And my son will be cared for by his father while I'm away from him--at least for the next couple of months. What more could I ask for? I am grateful.
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