Change

Layla changes every day. It's obvious that she can really see me now. Her eyes focus on my face. She spends more time alert and awake. At the same time, she spends a good 12 hours in bed overnight, waking only every three or four hours to nurse. (Thank you, sweet baby!) She only cries when she wants to be picked up or we have the gall to change her diaper. She spent a good hour spitting up today, soaking three different shirts and giving us both a serious stink. But before that, she slept in her car seat for three hours while I shopped at the co-op and fabric store. People ogled her and I was the proud mama. Meanwhile, Mazin struggles to make sense of our changed family. It's hard to tell which of his behaviors are motivated by Layla's arrival on the scene, and which are the result of a skewed routine: visitors most every night and mom and dad both home. He must be so confused. Heck, I'm confused. How did I end up with two children? And how do you adequately care for both? My little boy seems so big to me now--his hands, his feet, his long body--everything about him. I now see how much he has developed and how independent of me he is already. I didn't see that until Layla was born, all helplessness and need. When I was pregnant, I longed to have the baby so I could get back to playing with him in a really physical way again--running, jumping, chasing. But now I have a baby on me half the time that he wants or needs something, so it's not any easier to give him the attention I want to give. Just thinking about their endless needs makes me tired... Going to steal a nap.