Mama

Last day of our trip to sunny Florida, and I'm starting to think about how disappointed Mazin will be when we walk out of the airport in Vermont. Cold, again. He's had such a wonderful time outside over the past week. The beach every day, and simple walks outside around the neighborhood. We've felt sun and breeze on bare skin--and enjoyed it--for the first time in months. But I suppose I shouldn't dwell on that. He'll be happy to see the cat, and his slide, and his keyboard, and everything else he knows so well. I'm not sure if it was the new backdrop or legitimate change, but Mazin seems to have developed so much over the past week here. For the first time, he said Mama specifically to get my attention, when I was in the front seat of the car. He repeated it until I turned around to acknowledge him, at which point he smiled his big smile, as if he had just figured out something very important. He had said Mama before, but not with the same awareness of it being my name. It felt so wonderful to hear him say it. He is doing much more direct communicating now, although words are still beyond him. He now loves to shake his head no to express his desires. Yes is still a big smile, of course. We are still reading the same books, and I have been unable to sneak in any new titles. He simply rejects them. Patterns and repetition are definitely his thing. Every night since we've been here, just after dinner he brings me all of the magnets from the fridge, one by one, and then puts them all back, one by one. It's a ritual he seems to relish. I wonder why. The beach has been such a wonder for him: sea birds to chase (he never gives up), sand to squish between his toes, waves to chase, sea planes to point at while screaming, holes to dig. What an incredible sensory experience it must be for him. He would spend all day there, happily. I kept thinking about last year when we brought him to the beach. He could barely sit up by himself, and all he wanted to do was put sand in his mouth. We had to keep him on a blanket the whole time. It was windy one day, and he got sand in his eyes, which meant I had to pour water over his face, which made him very unhappy. This morning, when about the 20th woman said to me, "enjoy every second, because they grow up fast," I really heard it. People say it so often that you stop listening. You think, what a cliche. But it is such an important truth to remember. I started to cry a little this time when I heard it, because I felt in my bones how true it is. Babies, toddlers, children are so miraculous, so fascinating, so awe-inspiring, and they learn and grow so fast that it's easy to stop paying attention. From now on, whenever I hear that oh so familiar refrain, I'm going to say, "Thanks for the reminder." Because it is an important reminder. Time has gone by slowly this past week, with every moment focused on enjoying Mazin and giving him new experiences. I want it to always go this slow. I want to squeeze every bit of joy and love out of every moment. Perhaps it is enough to simply be fully present in every moment I am lucky enough to share with my son.