The Colonel

Don't know why it's taken so long for me to comment on being pregnant. For so long, it was more a concept than a reality. It was itchy legs and feeling out of breath. It was no more top pants button and double servings at mealtime. Now, just past the four-month mark, I am starting to feel a physical presence. My body, not just my mind, is now occupied territory. People say pregnancy goes so fast, but I feel impatient these days--impatient for signs of communication from within. I want to talk to my baby, but I feel like s/he is still a part of me, and I don't usually talk to myself. I spend a lot of time lying still with both hands on my belly, impatient to feel those little gurgles and pops that must be the baby. But I always think, maybe it's just normal gut noises that I never noticed before, because I never spent much time with my hands on my belly before. I wonder what it is like to be in there, to be developing, becoming. I wonder lots of things. I wonder if there is a soul yet, and then I wonder what I mean by soul. I am so curious and excited to meet this new being.

It's hard to write about pregnancy. It feels so normal and natural on one hand, and so sci-fi on the other. I am usually at a loss for words. That's why I spend so much time being still and quiet, just trying to listen...